LOTR, Cthulhu & Board Games: A Deep Dive
There is a specific kind of existential dread that hits you when you realize the "oldies" station is playing songs from your high school years. Marty and Tony are swimming in that river today.
Episode 369 of Rolling Dice & Taking Names kicks off not with board games, but with a full-blown war against local wildlife. Marty is literally the "old man yelling at cloud" meme, except the clouds are brazen deer pooping on his lawn in the inner city. It’s glorious. It sets the tone for an episode that feels incredibly lived-in—less like a rigid review show and more like eavesdropping on two friends realizing their knees hurt.
The Emotional Weight of Middle-Earth
Before we get to the cardboard, we have to talk about the Ring.
With the 25th anniversary of The Lord of the Rings hitting theaters, the guys took a trip down memory lane that honestly? It got me. They’re talking about the Decipher TCG (RIP), remembering specific card art based on movie frames. But it’s the admission that Return of the King still wrecks them that lands.
"If there's any person that watches Return of the King and doesn't get a little misty eye when he says 'You bow before no one,' you have no heart."
They aren't wrong. It’s a nice reminder that before we became obsessed with mechanics and victory points, we were just nerds who loved a good story.
Cthulhu Dark Providence: The Anti-Deck Builder
Here’s where things get crunchy.
Martin Wallace is a designer who looks at a mechanic everyone understands and says, "How can I make this hurt a little?" Cthulhu Dark Providence is a reimagining of A Study in Emerald, and listening to the guys review it was an exercise in cognitive dissonance.
On paper? It’s a deck builder. In practice? It’s a bureaucracy simulator with tentacles.
The friction point is fascinating: you play a card, but you don't get everything on the card. You have to choose. Do you want the gold? The influence? The fist? You can't have the buffet; you have to order à la carte.
The Verdict:
- The Struggle: The market isn't a market; it's a map. You have to physically move your meeple to cities to bid on cards using cubes that you might lose. It sounds exhausting.
- The Hidden Roles: Cultists vs. Investigators (and the chaotic "Dissidents"). The guys noted that despite the secrecy, everyone figured out who was who pretty fast based on board state.
- Who is this for? If you loved the opacity and friction of A Study in Emerald, this is your jam. If you want a smooth, combo-tastic deck builder like Clank!, run away. Fast.
Campy Creatures: The Palette Cleanser
After the brain-burn of Cthulhu, Campy Creatures by Keymaster Games feels like a shot of espresso.
It’s quick. Brutal. Simultaneous play.
But here’s the catch—Tony and Marty played at three players, and you can tell it fell flat. This is a game that thrives on chaos, on "hate-drafting," on screwing over your neighbor because you know they played the Swamp Creature. At three players, the math is too clean. You need the mess.
Best bit: The art. Keymaster rarely misses on visuals, and the B-movie aesthetic does a lot of heavy lifting here.
The Gilded Realms: "Don't Gild the Lily"
They wrapped up (or started to, before the audio cut us off on a cliffhanger) with The Gilded Realms.
Visually, this thing sounds stunning. Panoramic cards that upgrade your province from a dirt patch to a thriving kingdom? Yes, please. It’s got a queue system for building that requires forward planning—you slot a card in, and it slowly marches down the line until it’s built.
It feels like a Civ-builder for people who love logistics. You’re managing population exhaustion, juggling resources, and trying not to get invaded. The transcript cuts out right as they dig into the mechanics, which ironically feels like a metaphor for the game itself—a long build-up to a complex resolution.
Final Thoughts
This episode was a weird mix of heavy nostalgia and heavy mechanics. The Cthulhu Dark Providence review is the standout here—it’s a cautionary tale about how "reimagining" a classic doesn't always mean "streamlining" it. Sometimes it just means adding more locks and keys.
And seriously, someone help Marty with those deer.
Golden Nugget of the Episode
"Yesterday when I was young, I was able to do a lot of things. Now it just hurts getting out of bed."
Listen to Rolling Dice & Taking Names Gaming Podcast: https://podranker.com/podcast/rolling-dice-and-taking-names-gaming-podcast